Men 'to blame for the menopause'

BBC News, Caroline Parkinson, Health editor, 14 June 2013

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Younger women 'chosen over older ones'

Hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings - menopause and its side effects can all be blamed on men, experts suggest.

Evolutionary geneticists from Canada's McMaster University say men's tendency to choose younger mates meant fertility became pointless for older women.

In PLOS Computational Biology, they say this eventually led to the menopause.

But a UK expert said that was the "wrong way round" and men chose younger women because older women were less fertile.

'Preferential mating'

Researchers have long been puzzled as to why it appears that human are the only species where females cannot reproduce throughout their lives.

Previous theories had proposed a "grandmother effect". This suggests that women lose their fertility at an age where they might not live to see a child grow, and instead are available to care for younger women's children.

The menopause was therefore seen as the block to older women from continuing to reproduce.

But this latest theory suggests things work the other way around, and that it is the lack of reproduction that has given rise to menopause.

Using computer modelling, the team from McMaster's concluded "preferential mating" was the evolutionary answer - men of all ages choosing younger women as partners.

That meant there was "no purpose" in older women continuing to be fertile.

Prof Rama Singh, an evolutionary geneticist who led the study, said men choosing younger mates were "stacking the odds" against continued fertility.

He told the BBC: "There is evidence in human history; there was always a preference for younger women."

Prof Singh stressed they were looking at human development many thousands of years ago - rather than current social patterns,

'Evolved response'

In the UK, the average age for women to go through the menopause is now 52 even though the average woman goes on to live for another 30 years.

Prof Singh said this extended longevity - plus later childbirth - could potentially alter the timing of the menopause, over a significant period of time.

"The social system is changing. There are women who are starting families later, because of education or a career."

He suggested this trend would mean those women would have a later menopause, and those genes would be passed on to their daughters "with the possibility of menopausal age being delayed".

However Dr Maxwell Burton-Chellew, an evolutionary biologist in the department of zoology at the University of Oxford, challenged the theory.

"The authors argue that the menopause exists in humans because males have a strong preference for younger females.

"However, this is probably the wrong way round - the human male preference for younger females is likely to be because older females are less fertile.

"I think it makes more sense to see the human male preference for younger females largely as an evolved response to the menopause, and to assume that ancestral males would have been wise to mate with any females that could produce offspring."

He added: "Evolutionarily-speaking, older females faced an interesting 'choice': have a child that may not reach adulthood before your own death, or stop reproducing and instead focus on helping your younger relatives reproduce."

Patrons have drinks at the Harry's Bar, October 27, 2002, 

Berlin (AFP/File, Thomas Grabka)

Related Articles:

Study blames men for menopause - New

Kryon Q&A

Question: Dear Lee/Kryon: In my psychotherapy practice, I am specializing in menopause and other women's life transition issues. I am trying to frame menopause as a step within the spiritual evolutionary process, perhaps even part of the female response to ascension. Can you help me with an explanation of what the process of menses means for my clients? And how is it that females seem to undergo this "reverse puberty" process in a more dramatic way than men do?

Answer: Again we say to you that you must remove the biological from the spiritual. Look at what the body does. It is geared to stop the engine of procreation so that the female will not be harmed. That's why it occurs at all. It is an engine of appropriateness related to age. It's also an old paradigm, however, since we teach that you can extend your life-span, and that also means bearing children longer with safety, if that is part of your life plan.

For a male, the evolutionary process is one where, since he does not give birth, his biology is not one that goes through anything in the birth process. Therefore age is unimportant to his health when it comes to producing the seeds, which he can do almost until death.

So the body is protecting the females from undue stress, and even from premature death - going through childbirth when the chemistry is not up to it. This should be seen as a blessing, and one that is honored.

However, now we tell you something that is more along the lines of your question. In females, sometimes the process isn't stopped for biological reasons at all, but spiritual ones! In males, sometimes the hormones of desire and performance are also seemingly prematurely stopped. Ever wonder why this might happen?

The reason? Sometimes shamans need to have some of the common distractions of earth eliminated so that their concentration can be focused more clearly on spiritual matters. Don't read anything into this. It's different for every Human Being, so there is no generality here. But you should know that this is often part of the process of "relief from the distraction of things that are no longer needed," given for spiritual enlightenment. Not for all, but for many. This is often why you perceive elders to be wiser. They don't have that set of very complex and demanding chemicals surging through their body, either giving them pain with each cycle, or the pain of desire without fulfillment, which has its own attributes of psychological frustration and distraction.

For the females: Think of these things as all related. What is it you need? Do you give permission for it? Is it appropriate in your contract? Then when it comes, talk to your cellular structure and replace the chemistry that needs to be there for your energy, and say good-bye to that which is leaving. Give ceremony around it. You may do all of this naturally, talking to your cells. They will respond, and create what is missing.

This is the new Human Being, taking control of their bodies, and speaking directly to their cells. Creating tissue and chemistry naturally, since the cellular structure of your body is "listening" to what you need, and is far more capable than any scientist has ever told you.

And this is the truth.

Sixth sense really does exist: Research shows how brains of couples in love 'work together'

Daily Mail, by RICHARD SHEARS, 26th September 2010

An extraordinary scientific study has proved that a sixth sense between two people really does exist.

In sync: Dr Trisha Stratford's research
shows how the brains of couples in love
work together

Dr Trisha Stratford, an expert on the how the brain behaves, has spent five years monitoring the way couples interact in a non-physical manner.

If they are close to one another mentally, particularly when they are in love, their brains appear to work together, the neuropsychotherapist has found.

Dr Stratford, who conducted her research at Sydney's University of Technology, concluded that two people can become physiologically aligned - with parts of their nervous systems beating in harmony - despite having no physical contact with each other.

'This study gives us a deeper understanding of what happens when people interact, including when a couple falls in love,' she said today.

She suggested that her research could provide clues about how to communicate with a potential partner using sixth sense, which she said had long been suggested but never extensively identified in science.

Dr Stratford told Fairfax media in Australia that an American psychiatrist, Carl Marci, had established a connection between two people, but his study in 2007 was limited and he called for more research.

By then, Dr Stratford had already started her own studies into the phenomenon, replicating Dr Marci's research, 'but then I froze that point of two people becoming one and looked at what was happening in the brain,' she said.

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'It was very exciting. When we're in this moment of oneness, or an altered state, the most exciting thing is that a part of the brain called the parietal lobe is fired into action.

'When this happens we can read each other's brains and bodies at a deeper level - a sixth sense.'

Her studies included looking at the behaviour of 30 volunteers aged from 21 to 65, who were assessed by six therapists who worked at lining up their own thoughts and emotions with those of the 'patients'.

The volunteers were all suffering from some kind of anxiety. Their 'body signals' were monitored by electrodes that were placed around the head to monitor brain waves in four different areas, while other monitors recorded heart and body movements.

Brain power: Dr Stratford said her research
could provide clues about how to communicate
with a potential partner using a 'sixth sense'

At the end of the sessions, the patients were shown to have lower anxiety levels and lower heart rates and all agreed they had benefited from the 'connection' with the therapists.

One of Dr Stratford's colleagues, Sara Lal, a senior lecturer in the unversity's molecular biosciences department, agreed that the visual and audio face-to-face communication between therapists and volunteer patients had resulted in the alignment of what is known as their autonomic nervous systems.

'It really is quite eerie when you see the traces on the screen start to match each other as they come into alignment,' Dr Lal told Fairfax media.

Researchers observed how the patients' body language changed as alignment of the nervous system occurred. Their eyes changed their focus and the patients become oblivious to their surroundings.

One of the scientists involved in the Australian research, psychotherapist Alan Meara, said sixth sense wasn't a magical occurrence.

'It is something that the human brain is wired to do,' he said. 'The research shows that we do have the capacity to understand people at a deeper level than we normal do in general conversation.'

So how does one communicate with a stranger - chat up a potential partner, perhaps?

'You need to give them your total, undivided attention,' said Dr Stratford.

'Listening is better than talking about yourself and the state of one-ness becomes strongest after two or three meetings.'

Sex out, Friendship in

Kompas, Sydney Morning Herald, Selasa, 4 Mei 2010 | 20:06 WIB

Chemistry beats biology ... singles say a strong connection is more important in a prospective partner than sex appeal.

KOMPAS.com - It's official: sex doesn't sell. Well, not if you're looking for love anyway. A study of nearly 150,000 romantic hopefuls found friendship rates over the sins of the flesh.

The survey, by online dating website eHarmony.com.au, reveals traits of friendship and chemistry came in as the top two most popular relationship ideals, heavily outranking sex appeal and physical attractiveness.

Eighty per cent of respondents listed romance and physical closeness in their top 10 of wants, while sex appeal came in 19th most important and physical attractiveness was trailing the others, ranked at 28.

And it may come as a surprise for some that it's not just women who value the more traditional qualities - it seems men want them too. Both genders and all ages listed friendship and chemistry as their top two.

The site's relationship and research expert Dr Gian Gonzaga says it's reassuring that Australians value friendship in relationships.

"Friendships provide a great foundation for long-term success," he said in a statement to AAP.

Aussies aren't perfect, however, and some important qualities are being overlooked.

"Sharing the same values and beliefs as your partner is a powerful predictor of happier, longer-term relationships, yet these qualities were ranked only 16th and 23rd respectively," Dr Gonzaga said.

In a nutshell, women want kind, talkative men, while it might come as no surprise that men list physical closeness higher on the priority list than women.

Men also want to be able to let their skeletons out of the closet, whereas women want to remain more tight-lipped about their past.

Over 50s don't rank attractiveness as important as other age groups, nor do they want physical closeness as much as the 35-49 age group who find it twice as important.

Online dating has boomed in recent times and the former general manager of Australia's most popular dating site RSVP, Hannah Schwartz, said during her two years at the helm, the baby boomer clientele grew markedly in size.

"There was a great take-up and adoption across all age groups, the fastest growing group was the boomer group, over 50 to 55s," Ms Schwartz said.

Although safety is a concern with online dating, they employed strict safety controls, but Ms Schwartz said the safest bet was to take it slow.

"If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is," she warned.

Although Tiger Woods didn't need any help from websites, Australians are enthusiastically signing up to new infidelity website Ashley Madison, with 18,000 already signing up within weeks of its Australian launch.

But it's not all sour news. As the eHarmony survey reveals, those seeking fidelity and true love still exist.

What singles want in a partner from the eHarmony survey:

The top 10 most sought after qualities people want in a partner:

1. Friendship between me and my partner
2. Chemistry between me and my partner
3. Enjoying the way I feel around my partner
4. Having my partner be open with me about feelings
5. My partner's personality
6. My partner's kindness
7. Romantic attraction I feel for my partner
8. Being able to easily talk about personal problems with my partner
9. Enjoying physical closeness with my partner
10. Being able to discuss with my partner how I am feeling towards him/her

Top Five Least Important Qualities (ranked 35-30 respectively):

• Knowing that my spouse is usually to blame when things go wrong
• Importance of match's income
• Importance of match's religion
• Importance of match's education
• Importance of match's height

Topline Findings:

Men v Women:

1. Friendship and chemistry are the two most important qualities to both men and women
2. Women place more importance on kindness than men (ranked 4th v 11th)
3. Partners' ability to communicate is seen as more important by women than men (ranked 7th v 13th)
4. Men place more importance on enjoying physical closeness than women (ranked 5th v 12th)
5. Being able to tell my partner everything about myself is more important to men than women (ranked 10th v 17th)

By Age:

1. All age groups ranked friendship 1st and chemistry 2nd
2. Being able to easily talk about my personal problems with my partner was ranked 7th by Gen Y, but 10th by 35-49s
3. Romantic attraction held less importance for the over 50s (ranked 10th) than it did for all other age groups
4. Enjoying physical closeness is most important to singles aged 35-49 (6th), and least important to singles 50+ (12th)
5. Personal values was ranked most highly by those 50+ (14th), and least important by Gen Y (16th).

Bali raids nab 28 'beach gigolos'

ABC News, Wed Apr 28, 2010 12:42am AEST

Police on the Indonesian resort island of Bali have detained 28 people in a crackdown on "beach gigolos", who scout for foreign female tourists, officials said.

The raids began on Monday after the release of a trailer for a documentary on Bali's 'Kuta cowboys', the muscular and tanned Kuta beach surfers who develop short-term romantic relationships with foreign women in return for gifts.

Cowboys In Paradise follows the trials and tribulations of several beach boys, their families and their female patrons.

The documentary's Singapore-based director, Amit Virmani, says he finds the arrests deplorable.

"A witch hunt for men with tanned and muscular bodies on the beach is the last thing anybody wants," he said.

"The film is about one small aspect of life in a holiday destination. It does not suggest that the cowboys are all that Bali has to offer."

Gede Wijaya, a spokesman for the council area which includes Kuta beach, says that 28 people had been detained for not having proper identification or "for disturbing the peace or security of our beaches".

Mr Wijaya says the raids are part of routine checks and not linked to the documentary, but local media has reported that security officials were targetting tanned and muscular men.

"As has been reported, gigolos have indeed been rounded up," said Putu Suardika, a spokesman for the governor of Bali.

Virmani says he believes the beach gigolo phenomena was not unique to Bali, which is also known for its Hindu temples, volcanos, and terraced rice fields.

"Moreover, the cowboys do not pose a threat to tourists. What happens between consenting adults is their own business," he said.

"I am genuinely worried for the safety of the people in the film and the boys on the beach."

- Reuters

Big is Not Always Better, Police Chief Says

Jakarta Globe, April 23, 2010

If you've had a penis enlargement, don't bother applying for a job with the Papua Police or Indonesian Armed Forces.

Papua Police Chief Insp. Gen. Bekto Suprapto was quoted by Kompas.com as saying on Friday that whenever a young man requested a district head's reference letter to become a police officer, "he will be asked whether or not he had ever his penis enlargemed."

"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military,” Bekto said in Kompas.com.

He did not say what had given rise to the new recruitment policy.

He made the statement during a coordination meeting between Papua district heads, mayors with Papua Governor Barnabas Suebu in Jayapura.

He also said candidates who had sexually-transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS, "and a number of other diseases” would not be allowed to join the ranks of police of the military, also known as the TNI.

Sexologist Dr Boyke Dian Nugraha agreed with the regulations.

He told Detik.com that the kind of penis enlargement that Papuan men often underwent could endanger their health.

“They wrap their organs with leaves from a tree called gatal-gatal and the penis swells as if it has been stung by bees,” he said.

Boyke believed the regulation would help reduce number of men who resorted to such methods.

“We've been trying to advise them from doing so because it can be dangerous but they never listen to us so with this regulation, hopefully, they won't do it anymore,” Boyke said.

Related Article:

Police barred from penis enlargement

'Arthritis risk' for middle-aged exercise addicts

BBC News

Can exercise be too much of a good thing?

Middle-aged men and women may be risking arthritis if they overdo their exercise regime, research suggests.

A US study of more than 200 people aged 45 to 55 and of "normal" weight found those doing the most exercise were the most likely to suffer knee damage.

Running and jumping may also do more damage to cartilage and ligaments than swimming and cycling, researchers said.

One arthritis charity said it was important to keep fit and most people would not have any problems.

Osteoarthritis - the most common form of arthritis - is a degenerative joint disease that causes pain, swelling and stiffness and affects 8m people in the UK.

It is more common in women, and the risk increases with age and weight.

Presenting the findings at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America, the researchers said their study included people who had not reported any previous knee pain.

Activity

Based on a questionnaire designed to work out how much exercise they do, participants were split into low-, middle- and high-activity groups.

A typical high-activity individual would do several hours of walking, sports or other types of exercise per week, as well as gardening and other household chores.

They then underwent MRI scans of the knee, looking for tears, lesions and other abnormalities in the cartilage and ligaments.

The damage seen was associated solely with activity levels and was not age or gender specific, the researchers said.

And it also seemed to be linked to the type of exercise a person did, although the researchers said this needed to be looked at in other studies.

Study leader Dr Christoph Stehling, a researcher at the University of California, San Francisco said: "Our data suggest that people with higher physical activity levels may be at greater risk for developing knee abnormalities and, thus, at higher risk for developing osteoarthritis.

"This study and previous studies by our group suggest that high impact, weight-bearing physical activity, such as running and jumping, may be worse for cartilage health.

"Conversely, low-impact activities, such as swimming and cycling, may protect diseased cartilage and prevent healthy cartilage from developing disease."

A spokeswoman for the Arthritis Research Campaign said that the gains of exercise far outweighed any potential risks.

"We have known for years that certain high impact sports and jobs are associated with an increased risk of osteoarthritis, particularly of the knee, but for the vast majority of people exercise is good, not only for the cartilage but for total body health.

"Most people can exercise without any problems, but if you have had a joint injury or torn cartilage or ligaments you should be cautious about weight-bearing exercise, and swimming and cycling may provide a better option for you."

Anger at US mixed marriage 'ban'

BBC News

A white US justice of the peace has been criticised for refusing to issue marriage licences to mixed-race couples.

Keith Bardwell, of Tangipahoa Parish in Louisiana, denied racism but said mixed-race children were not readily accepted by their parents' communities.

Mr Bardwell does not believe in mixed-race marriages

A couple he refused to marry is considering filing a complaint about him to the US Justice Department.

Mr Bardwell said he had many black friends and frequently married them.

'No integration'

Mr Bardwell, who has worked in the role for 34 years, said that in his experience most interracial marriages did not last very long and estimated that he had refused applications to four couples in the past two-and-a-half years.

He said he had "piles and piles of black friends" but just did not believe in "mixing the races".

"They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else," he said.

He said he had discussed the issue with both black and white people before making his decision.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," he said "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

Mr Bardwell added that he checked the race of the couple in question, 30-year-old Beth Humphrey and 32-year-old Terence McKay, when they first phoned him requesting a marriage licence.

Ms Humphrey, who is white, said that when she phoned Mr Bardwell on 6 October to discuss getting a marriage licence signed his wife told her about his stance.

Mrs Bardwell recommended that the couple see another justice of the peace, who did agree to marry them.

Ms Humphrey said she had not expected such comments "in this day and age" and that she was looking forward to having children with her husband.

American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann said that her organisation has requested an investigation into Mr Bardwell, describing the case as one of "bigotry".

She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 "that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry" and that Mr Bardwell had knowingly broken the law.

However, Mr Bardwell denied mistreating anyone and said if he oversaw one mixed-race marriage, then he would have to continue to do it for everyone.

He said: "I try to treat everyone equally."

Bed sharing 'bad for your health'

BBC News

Couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health and relationship, say experts.

Sleep specialist Dr Neil Stanley told the British Science Festival how bed sharing can cause rows over snoring and duvet-hogging and robs precious sleep.

One study found that, on average, couples suffered 50% more sleep disturbances if they shared a bed.

Dr Stanley, who sleeps separately from his wife, points out that historically we were never meant to share our beds.

He said the modern tradition of the marital bed only began with the industrial revolution, when people moving to overcrowded towns and cities found themselves short of living space.

Before the Victorian era it was not uncommon for married couples to sleep apart. In ancient Rome, the marital bed was a place for sexual congress but not for sleeping.

Dr Stanley, who set up one of Britain's leading sleep laboratories at the University of Surrey, said the people of today should consider doing the same.

"It's about what makes you happy. If you've been sleeping together and you both sleep perfectly well, then don't change, but don't be afraid to do something different.

"We all know what it's like to have a cuddle and then say 'I'm going to sleep now' and go to the opposite side of the bed. So why not just toddle off down the landing?"

Tossing and turning

He said poor sleep was linked to depression, heart disease, strokes, lung disorders, traffic and industrial accidents, and divorce, yet sleep was largely ignored as an important aspect of health.

Dr Robert Meadows, a sociologist at the University of Surrey, said: "People actually feel that they sleep better when they are with a partner but the evidence suggests otherwise."

He carried out a study to compare how well couples slept when they shared a bed versus sleeping separately.

Based on 40 couples, he found that when couples share a bed and one of them moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50% chance that their slumbering partner will be disturbed as a result.

Despite this, couples are reluctant to sleep apart, with only 8% of those in their 40s and 50s sleeping in separate rooms, the British Science Festival heard.

Spray for 'six times longer' sex

BBC World

A spray can help men with premature ejaculation problems prolong the length of time they have sex by six times.

Men who used the treatment five minutes before having intercourse extended their love-making from half a minute to almost four minutes, trials showed.

Premature ejaculation can be distressing for couples

The spray, developed at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast, contains local anaesthetics that numb the penis.

A British Journal of Urology International study says it could be available in the next couple of years.

Up to 40% of men experience premature ejaculation at some time in their lives, experts estimate.

It is difficult to have an exact idea of the rate because there is still embarrassment about discussing sex lives and the definition of what constitutes a premature climax does vary.

For some 10 minutes in the sack may be enough, but for others intercourse lasting less than 20 minutes may be unsatisfactory.

In the study, the researchers looked at 300 men who regularly had difficulty lasting for more than a minute during love-making.

Most of the men had tried other treatments before, the most common being oral antidepressants.

Every time they had intercourse during the three-month study period, each couple measured the time to ejaculation with a stopwatch.

Sex delay

The men who tested the spray, called PSD502, were able to last 6.3 times longer on average.

In comparison, men who tested a "dummy" spray containing no drug lasted only 1.7 times longer.

PSD502 helped 90% of the men enjoy sex for up to four minutes, where they had previously only lasted for seconds.

And there was minimal transfer of the spray to the partners, meaning the men did not have to use a condom for this reason alone.

Lead researcher Professor Wallace Dinsmore said: "Premature ejaculation can be a very distressing condition for men and can cause distress, frustration and make them avoid sexual intimacy.

"Our study shows that when the PSD502 spray was applied to the man's penis five minutes before intercourse it improved both sexual performance and sexual satisfaction, which are key factors in treating premature ejaculation."

Peter Baker of the Men's Health Forum said the findings were welcomed.

"Premature ejaculation is a very significant problem for lots of men that is hardly talked about and that needs to change.

"There are treatments and training techniques that can help. It is important that new treatments are looked at and that men are encouraged to seek help."

Paula Hall, a counsellor for Relate, said: "This might particularly help men who have problems with premature ejaculation related to anxiety.

"It could help build their confidence, although the root cause of the anxiety would still need addressing."

Many suicidal men had problems in childhood: study

Reuters, Mon Apr 6, 2009 5:41pm EDT

A high school student (L) walks towards a group of female students chatting in front of a school in Tokyo November 9, 2006. (REUTERS/Kiyoshi Ota)

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Teenage and young adult men who make serious suicide attempts often had emotional problems at age 8, while most suicidal women succumb to depressions that develop after puberty, Finnish researchers said on Monday.

Nearly four out of five suicidal men tracked in a study in Finland had exhibited problems as 8-year-olds that were evident to their teachers or parents.

"Most males who commit suicide or need hospital care after a suicide attempt have high levels of psychiatric problems at the age of 8 years," wrote Dr. Andre Sourander of Turku University Hospital in Finland and colleagues.

"The main finding of our study is that severe suicidality in adolescence and early adulthood has different childhood trajectories among males and females," they wrote in a report published in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

The study tracked 5,302 people born in 1981, of whom 27 men and 27 women made serious suicide attempts by age 24. Of those, 13 men and two women died.

According to the World Health Organization, 877,000 people worldwide kill themselves each year. For every suicide death, anywhere from 10 to 40 attempts are made, the U.N. agency estimates.

Males tended to use "more lethal" methods, while female suicide attempts were mostly by intoxication or poisoning, according to the Finnish study.

In what they termed a "pathway of persistence," 78 percent of the suicidal males had displayed bad conduct at age 8 such as disruptive fits of temper, disobedience, aggression or cruelty toward others, destroying of property, stealing, lying, inattention or hyperactivity.

No such pattern was seen for the girls. Sourander's team said previous research has shown "female suicide attempts are often used to communicate distress or to modify the behavior and reactions of others." Most mood disorders affect girls after puberty, they added.

They urged effective screening to detect and treat childhood disorders, in the hope of reducing suicide rates.

"This focus is particularly important among males with severe conduct problems because, during adolescence, they usually do not seek mental health services," Sourander wrote.

(Reporting by Andrew Stern; Editing by Maggie Fox)

Days of Wine and Roses Are Over This Valentine’s

By JENNIFER 8. LEE, The New York Times, February 13, 2009 

Marc Matsumoto, 31, shops in New York. He and his wife are having Valentine’s dinner at home. (Kirsten Luce for The New York Times)

And even some preparing to propose on Saturday are seeking a bargain approach: on Yahoo, searches for “cheap engagement rings” are “off the charts” compared with a year ago, according to Vera Chan, a trend analyst for the company. Other searches that are up over last year include “cheap lingerie,” “free Valentine’s Day cards” and “homemade Valentine’s Day gifts.” 

Valentine’s Day, a more discretionary holiday compared with birthdays and Christmas, is proving particularly vulnerable to the bursting of the economic bubble. Diamond jewelry sales are down 20 percent to 30 percent. Flower sales are likely to tighten as well, in part because the day falls on a Saturday.

 

In the current economic climate, many men say it comes as a great relief not to have to produce a material manifestation of an intangible emotion.

 

“It has become such an ingrained part of our culture that women expect it and men expect they need to do such things,” said Marc Matsumoto, 31, a New York marketing manager who was laid off in December.

 

For Mr. Matsumoto, Valentine’s Days past meant splurging on $700 to $1,000 dinners, $400 and $500 dresses from Theory and Eli Tahari, and jewelry from Tiffany’s. This year, he and his wife are planning a meal at home. The menu includes foie gras with persimmon port and lobster sous vide with yuzu butter, but they will split the $125 cost.

 

Angeline Close, a business professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who has studied consumer attitudes toward Valentine’s Day, says the reassessment of the day is forcing it back to its roots. It started out as an intimate card-giving occasion in the mid-1800s but then grew into the second-most-marketed holiday after Christmas.

 

“It became a card and chocolate,” Professor Close said. “Then card, chocolate and roses, and then card, chocolate, roses and a lavish night out.”

 

Last year, consumers spent an average of $122.98 on Valentine’s Day gifts and merchandise, up from $80 in 2003, according to the National Retail Federation. With men, Professor Close said, “a lot of it had to do with the whole one-upmanship.” This year, however, the average expense is expected to drop 17 percent, to $102.50 this year, the federation said.

 

Tim Rhodes, 23, of Snellville, Ga., said he never wanted his wife to feel left out when other men doted on their partners; it seemed like “you don’t love your significant other as much as they love theirs.” This year, Mr. Rhodes and his wife, Beth, are planning to exchange practical gifts, like boots or a coat, and save their money for their move to Russia to teach English.

 

Creative, personal and experiential have become the key words. Chadd Bennett, 30, of Seattle, and his wife are forgoing their traditional getaways and jewelry this year, and will instead camp out in their living room and build a fort, harking back to their childhood.

 

“We can still keep that ritual together,” Mr. Bennett said. “It will save us a few hundred bucks, and be a heck of a lot more fun.”

 

Some men say they are reflecting a perceived shift in women’s thinking that they not spend a “stupid gluttonous amount of money,” said Brad Wilson, 28, of Chicago, the editor in chief of BradsDeals.com, which offers online shopping deals.

 

Indeed, Candace Lindemann, 31, an educational consultant from Miller Place, N.Y., pre-emptively drew the line, telling her husband, “No cut flowers.”

 

“I think they are expensive for what they are,” Ms. Lindemann said.

 

Even if plans include going out, many are finding creative ways to cut corners. Some are using restaurant gift certificates. Others are avoiding the pricey prix fixe dinners and going out for lunch, or dinner during the week.

 

Susan Jennings, 44, an artist from Manhattan, did both, using a gift certificate for Craft restaurant on Thursday. “We have zero income,” Ms. Jennings said. “We are just living on savings.”

 

Businesses are adapting in subtle ways. Roses are being sold in bundles of 10 instead of a dozen for a few dollars less. Jewelry companies are pushing less expensive items, like colored stones. Budget restaurants, which have not traditionally been hot spots for lovers, are offering Valentine’s Day specials.

 

The Internet abounds with ideas for frugal options, like playlists burned onto CDs and coupons for household chores. Sheryl P. Kurland, a relationship counselor, had another suggestion: do whatever it is that you did on your first date. The emphasis “recalls falling in love and nostalgia that’s often filled with humor,” Ms. Kurland said.

 

Susan Ji-Young Park, 39, of Los Angeles, has seen her income from teaching cooking classes fall sharply lately, so she prepared truffles to send to friends and family, in lieu of $100 orchid arrangements.

 

The holiday, Professor Close said, may be coming full circle.

 

“It started as a very pure romantic holiday, until capitalism and marketing spiked it,” she said. “We are retreating back a little bit to the original meaning behind the day.”