By Liane Yvkoff, CNN / Living
(LifeWire) -- He's a 38-year-old executive. She's a 34-year-old homemaker. He says they never fight, and in many ways they're compatible -- but not when it comes to sex.
"It's almost like a checklist," says Jon (who asked that his real name not be used) of their once-a-month lovemaking. The problem, he believes, is a lack of desire.
Sexually unfulfilling marriages aren't limited to new parents or aging baby boomers with hormone imbalances. They can ensnare even the relatively young and the recently married. When they are unable to blame kids, stress or physical issues, many couples struggle unhappily to identify -- and resolve -- the problems behind their lackluster sex life.
Couples end up in sexually unfulfilling marriages for a variety of reasons, says Marty Klein, a licensed marriage counselor and certified sex therapist in Palo Alto, California. One reason, he says, is America's obsession with marriage.
Laura Berman, a Chicago sex therapist and relationship expert, agrees. "We put the blinders on when we're dating," she says. "We focus so much on the wedding, we don't notice the warning signs."
Those who believe passion inevitably fades may downplay the sex factor, picking someone they think would be a good father or a good wife even if they're not an ideal lover, Berman adds.
"I chose her because I thought it would enhance me in some way," Jon says of his wife.
Berman has seen it before: "People choose partners who have the right resume but maybe not the entire package."
Other couples enter into relationships with so-so chemistry because they think they're in love and overlook key differences, says Klein.
Bobbie Jonas, a holistic health practitioner in Calistoga, California, acknowledges she ignored obvious warning signs during her courtship. "I was more interested in a way out from home," she says of her first marriage. Poor communication compounded the effects of weak chemistry. After 10 years, they divorced.
"Couples wondering where the sex went should be asking if it was ever really there," says Berman.
That explanation makes sense to Jon. Although he said he and his wife, who live on the West Coast, started off with great chemistry, the cracks in the relationship began to show before they traded rings. After a four-month dry spell during their engagement, his wife brought up the idea of canceling the wedding. "I just really wanted to get married," Jon says. "I felt that it was what I was supposed to do."
Now Jon is having an affair with a woman -- also in a sexually unsatisfying marriage -- for whom he feels intense passion. "I didn't realize the importance of sex," he says.
It's not always a problem
On average, Americans report having sex 85 times a year, according to the 2007 Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey conducted by Harris Interactive for Durex. The largely online survey polled 26,032 people in 26 countries using random samples of those aged 16 and older.
Therapists generally define "sexless" marriage as having sex less than about 10 times a year, and they estimate 1 in 5 couples are in such a relationship.
But Klein cautions against looking for problems where there are none.
"A dry spell is only a problem if the couple thinks it is," he says. "There are plenty of couples who don't have sex and don't think there's anything wrong with it. And there's others that are in a lot of pain about it."
Klein notes that the expectation of eternally passionate sex may be setting people up to fail. "People have the assumption that you can have long-term, monogamous, hot sex," he says. "It's never been done (on a large scale) in the history of the world."
Getting more sex
Berman offers at least one reason to resolve unsatisfying love lives: "Often, when you're not having sex, your empathy and ability to connect is lower, and it's easier to have conflict," she says. "It amplifies (marital) problems."
At the Berman Center in Chicago, she counsels couples on repairing their sex lives. Some advice:
• Try traditional gender roles: Men may become more sexually assertive if they feel more in control, and women may feel more desire for a mate with newfound machismo. "You don't have to get his slippers," explains Berman. "You just have to give him some control." She suggests a date where the man chooses everything -- her clothes, the restaurant, the food -- as a starting point.
• Engage in exciting activities: Whether it's trying an extreme sport like skydiving or snowboarding, or exploring new options in the bedroom, activities that get the pulse racing can open the brain's dopamine centers and increases desire.
• Talk about it: Couples also would benefit from simply communicating with their partners about what they want in bed. "There is no secret to hot sex," says Klein. "Sexy lingerie and dinners out are no substitute for an honest conversation about sex."
|"Earth, the only planet with free choice in the Milky Way Galaxy"|
Some day you'll meet the star seeds, your Pleiadian sisters and brothers. They're even here now, since they are quantum. You've got Pleiadian ancestors who live a very, very long time in a graduate situation in a planet that went through the test just like yours. And it developed a quantum factor. They have benevolence and they have quantum energy. That's how they get here instantly and return, and they'll never interrupt your free choice. That's also why they don't land and say hello. Instead, they sit and cheer on the sidelines for what you've finally done. They are waiting with you to celebrate the December solstice of 2012... the half way point of the 36 year shift you are in. …”
Milky Way Galaxy - "Other galaxies have their own spiritual systems and physics"
- More Articles ...
- Seven Earth-like planets discovered around single star
- Twinkle, twinkle, lots of stars: scientists find two trillion observable galaxies
- "THE FUTURE OF DNA" – (Kryon Channelling by Lee Carroll)
- "The Human Soul Revealed" – (Kryon Channelling by Lee Carroll)
- Scientists predict Earth-like planets around most stars
- "The Physics of Consciousness - The Future Revealed " – (a message from Kryon channelled by Lee Carroll)
- Will ET Be Here Soon? NASA Brings Scientists, Theologians Together To Prepare
- US Government Takes First Major Steps Towards UFO Disclosure
- "The Fast-Track Systems" – (a message from Kryon channelled by Lee Carroll)
- Supermassive Black Hole at Center of Milky Way Snacks on Hot Gas
- "The Interdimensional Universe" – Nov 15, 2003 (Kryon channeled by Lee Carroll)
(#) New major Discoveries (This channel will become a historical channel in the future, prove that Kryon is a real communication to humanity from the Creative Source)
1 To see and measure multi-dimensional/quantum physics, instrument (super-cooling quantum plasma lens)
2 Two more laws of multi-dimensional physics revealed: explanation of dark matter & acknowledgement of free energy (controlling mass)
3 God in the atom. God has - provable - part in physics. Intelligent/benevolent design. (Will bring religion and science together).
4 Human Consciousness is an attribute of physics. (Pleiadians - Humans ancestors / Humans free choice only planet in the Milky Way Galaxy. Other galaxies have their own spiritual systems and physics)
5.Coherent DNA. Multidimensional DNA coherent between dimensions will give Enhanced DNA
Quantum Physics Science
- More Articles ....
- Vera Rubin, pioneering astronomer, dies at 88
- Amsterdam professor develops new theory of gravity
- The Evolutionary Argument Against Reality
- Dutch invest €135m in developing a quantum computer
- Griffith scientists propose existence and interaction of parallel worlds
- A Physicist’s View of the Afterlife: Weird Quantum Physics
- Freaky Physics Experiment May Prove Our Universe Is A Two-Dimensional Hologram
- NASA: New "impossible" engine works, could change space travel forever
- China expands world's deepest "dark matter" lab
- 10 Scientific Studies That Prove Consciousness Can Alter Our Physical Material World
- Delft University scientists 'teleport' information over three metres (Netherlands)
- Scientists Report Quantum Teleportation Breakthroughs (Japan, Switserland)
- China looks to quantum mechanics to protect secrets from US hackers
Dealing with Changing Energies
- The Final Ascension Process – Sep 23, 2012 (a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- Opening To 2013 – Aug 13, 2012 (a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- Quantum Living begins 2012 – 30 Oct 2011 (a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- "Prepare for 2012's Energies" - 2 Sep 2011 (a message from The Council of 12 channelled by Selacia)
- 1 - Travel lightly. Release your own emotional clutter and baggage of past
- 2 - Recognition. Own or throw it out. "Is this emotion mine or someone else’s?”
- 3 - Transmute. Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated.
- ("Essential survival kit" - a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- 4 - Completion. Completion is total release on the emotional body. Total release of all cords and attachments.
- ("Your New Energy Field" - a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- "Transform Your Reactions to Quantum Reactions" - Sep 2, 2011 - (a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- “The Secret of Mastery” - May 15, 2010 (Kryon channeled by Lee Carroll)
- ("The Holograms of Creation" - Apr 2011 - a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- The Physical Vessel Is A Wondrous Creation (symptoms of ascension you experience) - Nov 2010 (Archangel Michael Channeling)
- ("2011 - A Year of Unity" - a message from Kuthumi channeled by Lynette Leckie-Clark)
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Feb 20, 2017
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Feb 12, 2017
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Jan 30, 2017
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Jan 24, 2017
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Jan 16, 2017
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild JanDec 15, 2016
- The Federation of Light and White Cloud as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Jan 6, 2017
- Blossom Goodchild. A White Cloud Christmas message. Dec 19, 2016
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Dec 15, 2016
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Dec 5, 2016
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Nov 22, 2016
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Nov 18, 2016
- The Federation of Light as channelled by Blossom Goodchild Nov 5, 2016
- Watching a UFO From My Roof (UFO Releasing Glowing Orbs Into a Formation)
- The truth is out there: aliens visit to help, and use the loo
- UFOTV Presents...: Out of the Blue - Full UFO HD Movie
- Are Aliens Living On Planets Inside Black Holes?
- 2012: What on Earth is going on? (video)
- The Day Before Disclosure (Free online HQ video)
- Norwegian princess Martha Louise claims she can contact the dead
- 2012 The Online Movie: Final Cut
- The Psychic Twins predict 2012 on Tyra!
- Ask the Psychic Twins
- 2010 UFO Convention - David Sereda - Reverse Engineered UFO Technology (YouTube 1-12)
- UFO - For Your Eyes Only (video)
- More Articles related to UFO's / ET's .......
Humans - UFO/ET Encounters
- Sgt. Clifford Stone Interview by Ed Komarek
- The Proof You’ve Been Waiting for. Hold onto Your Hats!
- Enrique Villanueva - ET Contact and the Expansion of Consciousness
- Elizabeth Klarer: UFO Contactee and Space Traveler
- Fryslân DOK: UFO's yn Fryslân (Dutch Video)
- INELIA BENZ : the full interview - with Bill Ryan from Project Avalon
- Overview over some of the civilizations and interplanetary confederations who visits Earth
- Mary Rodwell: The New Humans - Starchildren & Indigos (Video)
- Ships of Light - The Carlos Diaz UFO Experience – Video 1-2 !!!!!!!
- ET council: We will increase UFOs, address U.N. in 2014, renew ecology in 2015
- 3 - ET’s Among Us: Help for Humanity - (Mother Earth (Gaia) and Uilora (ET) channeled through Pepper Lewis)
- 2 - Magnification Zones II: How to Reignite a Stalled World - (Mother Earth (Gaia) and Uilora (ET) channeled through Pepper Lewis)
- 1 - Magnification Zones I: Replacing Comfort Zones - (Mother Earth (Gaia) and Uilora (ET) channeled through Pepper Lewis)
- Hui Sun Kim: Earth Humans’ Interaction with the Rest of the Universe
- Help From Our Friends
- Filippo Interviews Sheldan Nidle - Part 1-6 (Video)
- 2012 & Our Extraterrestrial Future with Jerry Wills (video)
- The planet Iarga - introduction (UFO-Contact from Planet Iarga)
- The planet Acart - A Planet without Money
- Japan's new first lady says rode UFO to Venus
- Odisealink The Movie Documentary: The Alien Encounter Of Dr. Jonathan Reed
- The Dropa Stones, Evidence Of Alien Visits To Earth, UFO?
Greg Braden "If we are honest, truthful, considerate, caring and compassionate, if we live this each day, we have already prepared for whatever could possibly come on 2012 or any other day, any other year, any time in our future."
Monday, March 3, 2008
Sexual incompatibility troubles marriages
By Liane Yvkoff, CNN / Living